I'm leaving for home tomorrow. This sucks. I don't wanna go home. I'm gonna miss this place. SIGH.
Actually Ill reach Spore first; then reac'h KL on New Years. SIGH. I don't want to go home, don't want to start college, don't want to meet some people, don't want to pick up where i left off, don't want the stressful lifestyle back home, don't want to face reality. I don't!
SIGHHHHHH....
I have decided to migrate here in future. :)
Finally, it’s Christmas and soon 2008 will come to an end. Pretty quick how it all flies by. Another year to conquer and another year to add to our memories; good and bad. 2008 wasn’t particularly memorable or impeccable; it was just any other year. Yea there were the good and bad times but all in moderation. And yes there were things which I would want to change, mend, re-do, fix, anything just to change it. But we know it’s almost impossible to. And there were the wishes and resolutions that never made it & which were never fulfilled. I’m good at complaining aren’t I? Just doing some reflecting on 2008 and it’s human nature to focus on the negative things. Not like I’ve forgot about the better. It’s close to heart, no worries.
…..moving on. She was right. I wanted to change you into someone who you weren’t. people say a leopard doesn’t change its spots. I never believed in it fully. I still don’t, even after you. The story’s getting old. I’m just tired. Too much time wasted on this. I’m trying to get up and move on but it’s not as easy as it seems. I don’t know where to start and the road can get lonely at times. I try to be brave and endure all that passes by but it’s tough alright. I’m trying to pick up the million and one shattered pieces but it’s everywhere. I’m very very lost.
I'm not hurt, really. That part's long gone. I just want to move on. It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m really trying. I want to. But something’s preventing me. I don’t know what. I’ve tried to fight it. So many times. Too many to count. I’ve picked up after myself countless times. But it’s never the same. I’m finding for my old self. The one deep down buried inside of me.
I’m afraid that might never happen. And that's when I'll lose my way. That’s the scary part. I don’t know when all this will end.
Ok. Pretty pointless post. Just needed to express myself. It’s okay if you don’t get it.
Hmmm…she eats a lot. Shit a lot. I’ve to clean her shit 3 times a week? Sigh…a lot of work but other than that, adorable! You can never get enough of her. :o)
Don’t judge. I know you do. And already did. And I can’t change that.
But screw you for not seeing the whole picture coz it’s so much wider.
Just because you knew a lil, it didn’t mean that you had the right to judge. But heck, I can’t stop you either. And aren’t we all human?
But you really had no right. There was so much more to it, years to where it stood today. And you only had a glimpse.
We are never gonna be the same. You would have been a good friend. & I don’t think I'm going to mend this one any further.
I'm on the verge of falling apart.
I'm on the verge of breaking down.
But I'm not supposed to.
Not because I don't want to.
I just wana disappear.
I don't know how to make it.
Where are you when I need you?
